Ring

Annie,

I wanted to give more details regarding my wedding ring, and I was not sure I would be able to articulate well enough in person. I understand a wedding ring sends a message that the person wearing it is already married and committed to one particular person. I'm assuming I've learned this idea through our culture and society mainly from movies. For example, movies will show a man putting his wedding ring in his pocket in order to appear available to the girl he is attracted to.

Naturally, I always thought that wearing a wedding ring was a sign of the commitment one is making to his/her spouse. In other words, the wedding ring is a constant sign of one's own rededication and recommitment to the marriage as well as giving that same sign publicly every day it is worn. When I told Heather I wanted a divorce she demanded the ring I was wearing back. I gave it to her without a thought as I was no longer committed to the marriage. This is also why I was having a hard time with your wedding ring when you were having an affair with me.

I still see the wedding ring as giving those signs; however, those signs are not as prevalent to me anymore as my view and the meaning behind the symbolic message of the ring evolved for me. The change happened when we made our wedding rings for each other. It was the first time I really thought about wedding rings, and it was a whole new perspective I never gave much thought to if at all.

My wedding ring - the ring that was made by you with love and given to me when you placed it on my finger on our wedding day, is not symbolic of my commitment to our marriage, my love for you, or my faithfulness. It is symbolic of your commitment, love and faithfulness to me. Just as the ring I made out of love and placed on your finger symbolizes my commitment, love and faithfulness to you.

Basically, since the day we made the rings, I see the wedding ring as symbolic of the love, fidelity, and commitment to the marriage of the one who gives it. My wedding ring through the hard times of our marriage, became a reminder of your love and commitment to me and us. When I had a lot of anxiety energy and I would twirl and play with my wedding ring, it was like a security blanket reminding me to chill out and trust what you promised. It was the only way I felt I could connect with you and ease my concerns.

In the aftermath of you telling me about your affair, the ring you made me, and what I believe it symbolizes, and what it has meant to me, became the worst trigger and a reminder of your betrayal and affair. This is why I personally didn't want to put the ring back on my finger after the swelling went down on my hand.

Please know I am committed not only to you, but to us, and wholeheartedly in trying to reconcile.

I got tunnel vision in what the ring symbolizes to me now. With the tunnel vision, I did not think about how it is still a sign of one's own dedication to the marriage for one's self as well as publicly. While I did not make a conscious decision to not tell you, I should have brought all of this up instead of you having to ask about why I wasn't wearing my ring. It definitely was not a "FU" or some manipulation/control thing; however, I was wrong in not talking to you about it.

I am truly sorry for not talking to you about it and the message it was sending you. I'm willing to talk more about it with you in person if you'd like.

I love you.